If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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