I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I need to align my fucking chakras
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
