Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize