I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
