are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
