I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Coupleâ€™s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
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That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.