a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
