eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize