so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
