i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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