I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
