I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm like, not good at living.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
