saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
