Who wears a wallet chain?!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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