You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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