I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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