I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
