Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
