Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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