Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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