she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
