Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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