Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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