I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
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I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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