i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
