Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
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Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
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This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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