Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
