totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize