Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?