Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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