Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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