i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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