More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
