Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
