cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
as a side note pls kill me
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