Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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