i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
