We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
