Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
