I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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