Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
