I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
