Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
