A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
