roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
