You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
