i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.