We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day