I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.