the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear