Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away