No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The air was thick with penises
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't want my vagina anymore.