just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
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When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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