How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
