its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
