i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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