I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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