News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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