these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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