She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
