Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
cat food counts as protein by the way
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
