Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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