Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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