Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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