Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
