I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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