I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
