I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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