i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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