so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
