she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Farmville is her only friend.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
