chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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